Sunday, May 26, 2013
Monday, May 13, 2013
- There is scientific evidence that says that Moms who are more nurturing and have more patience have smarter kids in the long run. I am very much of a goal-oriented person, so it helps me feel that I am doing something scientifically positive when I take a deep breath and force myself to follow through with a reasonable punishment instead of yelling.
- There is more scientific evidence that yelling can be almost as bad as hitting, in terms of emotional scarring down the road.
- Yelling is mean. I haven't had someone scream at me in years. I would NEVER scream at my husband so why would I scream at my kids, who are a lot more vulnerable? Bottom line is that I always feel guilty after I yell and I feel crummy for hours if not days. Why not try to avoid that if I can?
- Yelling is far more effective if done rarely. Yes, I truly think sometimes kids need to know that what they have done will not be tolerated. I remember the rare times my parents yelled at me it was very effective. But just like anything else, if overused, yelling loses all benefits.
- When I think about the kind of parent I want to be, and the kind of relationship I want to have with my kids, it never involves my yelling and them being scared and resentful of me. I want them to be respectful and not bratty of course, and that means effective discipline, but I want them to also think I am reasonable and they can talk to me about things in the future, when life gets more complicated. After all, I think there is a lot of truth to the saying, "Little Kids, Little Problems. Big Kids, Big Problems." Maybe, just maybe, if I have a good partnership with my kids by the time they're teen-agers, I can prevent bigger problems. With teen drug use on the rise, it's worth the effort.
I hope this has inspired you the way it inspired me. If not, don't feel guilty and don't yell at me. Every person and every child is different.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Kids behave better when they are given challenging projects to work on, which will in turn give you more free time to do the things you really need to do, like washing dishes, paying bills, and relaxing so that you can be a better Mom! You can hear us talk about this theory in this interview about the book: