Things I Never Thought I Would Say

These are things I never thought I would say, yet here I am...saying them anyway...

1.  I have mini-van envy.  I have to admit that it would be heavenly to have doors that magically opened and then have the kids be able to easily scramble up in the car without me lugging them up there.  Mini-vans might not be cool, but I want one.
2.  It turns out Sesame Street isn't as annoying as I thought it was before I had kids.  At least compared to Yo Gabba Gabba and many others.
3.  I love it when I get to sleep in until 6.  Yes, I said sleep in since I normally have to get up at 5.

4.  I love the Real Housewives of New Jersey.  And the Bachelorette.  Despite, many years of resisting and thinking I was too cool, it turns out there is a reason these shows are popular.  They rule.
5.  I am a published author!!  I honestly never thought it would happen.  Yet it did!  More on that to come...the e-book will be ready tomorrow on Amazon and the actual book is at the printer's as we speak, but here is a sneak peek at the final cover....


 
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I'm Addicted to Sugar but With a Cleanse Diet, I Shall Overcome

Hello, my name is Katie and I'm a sugaraholic.  This is pretty off topic for my what my blog is usually about, but I'm feeling so hungry by this point that it's all I can think about right now!  My basic problem is that I have to have a dessert every single day.   Every night I tell myself that I won't have any dessert tomorrow...no cookies, no cupcakes, no CHOCOLATE!!

Then I wake up, and I convince myself that it's not a problem if I want a dessert here or there.  I'm good at eating in moderation so I don't really gain a lot of weight, but my eating habits are terrible.  Yes, I'm lucky that I can eat cookies every day and still not be obese, but the truth is that my Mom had a heart attack at age 55 so I clearly have some genetics that I'm fighting.  Good metabolism?  Check.  Heart disease in family?  Also check.

Not only that, but I'm always feeling bloated and yucky.  Probably TMI but I want you to have all the facts.  So now that I'm in a vicious cycle, I've decided I need to do something drastic.  I have elected to do a "cleanse" diet.  I have heard of one where you only drink cayenne pepper and water for three days.  I've heard of ones where you only drink lemon water.  At first, I couldn't believe I was even considering this.  I remember mocking Gwyneth Paltrow so badly when I read that she had done this.  What a weirdo!!

But the problem is that all my good intentions aren't working, so I need to get totally out of my comfort zone.  After much research, I have selected the Dr. Oz 48 hour weekend cleanse.   It's only for 2 days and I figure...I can do anything for 2 days, right?  Basically he says you shouldn't starve yourself, but should only eat things that naturally get rid of toxins, such as fennel bulbs, cabbage, quinoa, and flaxseed.  If you are anything like me, your first question was, what the heck is a fennel bulb???

They give you very specific recipes for breakfast, lunch and dinner, along with an extensive shopping list.  I took Munchkin Girl with me to Whole Foods.  I felt as out of place there as Shrek would have felt if someone elected him to be the cook in The Little Mermaid.  We wandered around the store looking for flaxseed and pomegrante juice.  This might be normal for some of you, but not for me.  Let me put it to you this way.  When I pulled the radishes off the shelf, my hands were covered in mud.  This is very confusing for me.  What are you supposed to do at the store when your hands are covered in mud?  There is no sink.  I didn't bring any paper towels??

Moving on.  We gathered up all my ingredients and we giggled through most of it.  Then it came time to go home and prepare everything and again, I just very confused.  After literally two minutes of washing the radishes, I was still getting mud on my hands. Seriously?  I'm a grown woman, not a 2 year old boy.  I don't really like eating mud.
 

Then I got to the fennel bulb.  Here were the instructions: 1 fennel bulb, fronds and stalks included, roughly chopped

What the heck is a frond?  And which part is the stalk? 
 

I did my best and everything simmered for an hour and didn't actually smell that bad.  Then I opened up the pot.  The instructions were to serve this soup with a side of apples and sauerkraut.  Yikes.


I am proud to say that I forced this meal down after a full day of similar weirdness.  I lost one full pound the first day, which wasn't exactly the point but is always a bonus.

Do I consider this experiment a success?

Absolutely.  I really do love being stretched outside my comfort zone, even if I have to eat fennels and muddy radishes.  Plus, just about anything sounds good now.  Even a regular salad sounds like heaven.  Whether I'll be able to kick my cookie habit is still to be determined, but one thing is for sure.  Munchkin Girl is glad I'm done with this craziness.  This morning she came downstairs and I had already made myself my quinoa with prunes and rice milk.

She looked all sleepy and said, "Mommy, what smells so bad?"

Amen, sister.



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Packing for trips and Other Life Mysteries

We are leaving soon for Florida (Yipeee!) so I am in the throes of packing and preparing for our trip.  During this, I have uncovered a mystery.  My list never seems to end.  I literally feel that if  just kept this list going forever, I would never stop thinking of things to bring with us on vacation.  How can that be?  Surely there is a limit to how much we will need when we are in Florida for a week, so it's a mystery to me that I will still wake up in the middle of the night think, "DVD Charger!".

Since I have so much free time (Ha!), this led me to think of a few of the other mysteries of life: 

• Why do kids always wait until fully strapped into the car seat before realizing they have to pee?
• Why will I carry everything from the car, including a backpack, a lunchbox, a computer, my purse, my iPad, shopping bags, blankies AND a kid on my hip, just so I don't have to make two trips?  Would making two trips really so bad?
• Why is it always so tempting to check my phone when I hear that familiar ding of an email or text?  Why it is so much more interesting than what I am currently doing?
• How is it that I can adore my life, my kids, and my friends, yet when I look at Facebook, I always feel the familiar pang of, "Are they having more fun than I am?  Why didn't I get invited to that party?"   I swear, I wouldn't change a thing about my life, but Facebook does strange things to people.
• They say that the definition of crazy is repeating the same behavior over and over again.  Does that make my children certifiably insane?  Because I counted and I heard them repeat, "Mommy" 156 times yesterday, even though I was clearly busy and was unable to answer, yet they thought it was worth repeating over and over again.  My two year old says "Why" about 302 times per day.  I'm not exaggerating.
• Why are little boys so yucky?  My son (2) always wakes up sticky and smelly, no matter how many baths I give him.  Yet my daughter (4) always wakes up fresh as a daisy! 
• Why does a siren always sound so much like a crying baby?  My kids rarely wake up in the middle of the night crying anymore, yet every time I hear a siren, I sit straight up with my heart pounding.  It really is a very similar sound!

Well, the point is, hopefully I remember everything for our trip.  If you have any advice, feel free to share! (We do plan to go to Disney for one day, so I really would appreciate any advice!)

PS...When I get back, I do plan to summarize my list of what I ended up packing and needing to think about, in case it might help you one day so stay tuned (Haha, I'm sure you will be on pins and needles! :-)) 



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Secret Amusements and Heartache of a Working Mom

Yesterday Little Buddy was sick.  He didn't feel good and he needed his Mommy.  I wanted to cuddle and hold him and make him feel better.  Instead I had to drive 6 hours in the car to an important customer meeting in an attempt to salvage my big deal of the year.  Since I'm in sales, I'm really feeling the pressure that always comes at the end of the year. 

I'm lucky because I have a nanny so I don't have to cancel important meetings when the kids are sick.  On the other hand, there is nothing more excruciating than having to worry about your son's cough when you're 200 miles away.  Frankly, my nanny probably has it the worst because I have to pry my hands away from phone to keep myself from calling every 10 minutes to check up on everyone.  How is he?  Is he crying?  Does it seem like Munchkin Girl is sick too?  Does he still have a fever?  What is it?  Have you given him Advil?

Poor girl.  I don't know how she puts up with me.  To combat this nervous energy while I was stuck in the car, I decided to find ways to amuse myself.  I had to stop at a gas station on the way down to pee.


Look closely.  The soap dispensers have been removed for unknown reasons.  Instead, they placed a mysterioius blue liquid into a catsup bottle and placed it on top of the counter.  I opted for Purrell at this location.


Okay, I'm sorry.  Maybe I have a dirty mind, but why can't they just change the name of this franchise?  Does it really have to be KUM & GO???!!??



This was an advertisement for a tech center.  Frankly, I thought this was pretty clever marketing.


I had to pee again on the way home, so I tried to pick a classier gas station.  I was fooled.  Check out this sign, taped to the lock.  Very comforting.  Oh, so the door DOES lock...


Just in case you were smoking at the gas station, here is where you put your cigarette butt.  Nicely labeled.


By this time, the nanny had taken Little Buddy to the doctor and they put him on some oral steroids to help his breathing.  Mommy likes medicine so I was happy.  My meeting went well, but it was a long day in the car being stressed about Little Buddy.  I decided to treat myself to an ice cream cone from MacDonald's.  I heard they only have 80 calories.  At least that's what I tell myself in order to rationalize an ice cream cone at 2:00 in the afternoon.

I pulled up to the window and ordered. 

"I'm sorry Ma'am, we don't have vanilla ice cream cones."

"What," I almost screamed.  I really did feel almost frantic.  "Are you serious?  Did McDonald's discontinue ice cream cones???"

"Ma'am you're at Wendy's not McDonald's."

Oops.  Mommy needs a vacation.

Facebook Pressure to go Apple Picking is Intense

I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook.  I can't resist looking.  I know I shouldn't just like I know I shouldn't have ice cream at 9:55pm, but I do it anyway.  And everytime I look, I feel like everyone else is having SOOOO much more fun than me.  Everyone else is constantly at the zoo, swimming, at football games, etc.  With fall in full swing, everyone is out picking apples and going to the pumpkin patch. 

Well I say, NO MORE PRESSURE!!  Hubby had to work yet again this weekend so this morning when I woke up and he was gone, I knew I wanted to enjoy the beautiful Fall Day, but I realized that there is no law that says you have to go to the pumpkin patch to get pumpkins.  They sell them at the grocery store.  They also sell apples so we don't have to pick them ourselves.  Of course I would like to go apple picking, but all the places are really far away and Fall is a busy time, especially when your husband works every weekend.

Instead, we went walked to the park right by our house.  You know what?  The leaves were beautiful, the kids had a blast, and I'm proud to say....I'm Katie and I didn't go apple picking this year.  Sue me!! :-)

Secret Grooming Habits of a Busy Mom

1.  Eyebrow plucking
Today I had a few extra minutes before Little Buddy's doctor's appointment.  I glanced in the mirror and noticed that my eyebrows were out of control.  True werewolf style.  I looked around my car for tweezers and couldn't find any, so I started pulling out my eyebrows with my fingers.  I was afraid I would forget to do it if I didn't take care of it right away.  The sad thing is, this seemed totally normal at the time.

2.  Ironing
I haven't even bothered to unpack my iron since we moved 6 months ago because I choose to ignore wrinkles.  If I'm being honest thing, I didn't iron much even before kids.

3.  Time to get ready for a big event
We had a wedding a few weeks ago and I had a full 15 minutes to get ready all by myself.  It seemed like absolute luxury.

Games NOT to play with a three year old

Ever since my daugher was born I've been waiting for her to grow up so she could play board games with me.  Hubby won't play board games under any circumstances (even when I make lavish promises and/or threats, I've tried both)

Since I knew Hubby was going to be working late again tonight, I decided that tonight was the night.  Chutes and Ladders says it is for children three and older.  Hooray!  Munchkin Girl is a bright three year old so that should work great.  I had visions of us happily playing Chutes and Ladders after dinner...she would laugh and expertly move her game piece all around the board and would suddenly know all the numbers...a truly idyllic scene, right??

Well...let's just say that I think they should change the box to ages four and older...or maybe Munchkin Girl is just too hyper.  This pretty much sums up our night of Chutes and Ladders:


Yes, she is looking the other way while reading a book and singing.  There is still hope.  Little Buddy will grow up someday.

Will Exercise for Cupcake

Sometimes people ask me why I wake up at 5:30am to exercise.  I tell them it's because it gives me more energy.  Because I feel better all day.  Because it gets my brain working.  All those things are true, but if I'm being really honest...here is the real reason...


Cupcakes!!!  YUM YUM YUM YUM AND YUM!!!!!!!!!!!!

Getting along with brothers is hard

Every night before Munchkin Girl goes to bed, she wants me to tell her a story about when I was a little girl.  I'm not sure what's wrong with me, but I hardly remember anything about when I was a little girl, at least not anything specfiic.  The things I do remember are things I don't want to tell, such as when I got my name on the board at school for talking too much or when my Dad killed the snake that crawled from the sewer.  Not exactly inspiring so mostly I make things up.

The other night I told her about how I used to fight with my brothers, just like she fights with Littly Buddy.  But, I told her, a brother is your best friend and she should really try harder to play nice with him.  She responded with something slightly profound.

"But Mommy, he's so little.  I don't know how to play with him.  What should I do?"

I opened my mouth to reply but found that I was at a loss.  At 18 months, Little Buddy really is hard to play with.  He doesn't throw the ball back.  He takes toys away.  Hmmm...maybe that's why I always hear so much crying between those two.  Maybe they just aren't quite compatible yet.

I was quite happy today to see them playing happily together...just don't focus on the fact that they're playing in yucky dog water with no shirts on.  Kids will be kids, right??

Shopping in Pajamas

I buy clothes at Walmart.  And Kohl's.  If I'm feeling really crazy and somemthing big is coming up, like the first day of school, I'll make a trip to Gymboree (only with a coupon).  I don't even usually shop at Baby Gap.  Too expensive.

I do, however, always make sure the kids are presentable.  I NEVER let Munchkin Girl leave the house without brushing her hair.  I don't let either of them leave our house in pajamas, even just to go play out front in our own street. 

I'm the same way.  I'm not fancy at all, but rarely wear T-Shirts and sweats in public and my hair is only in a ponytail if I'm actively running.

Yesterday felt different.  I needed to run some errands and Munchkin Girl had just woken up from her nap.  I was feeling so cozy in my sweats and t-shirts.  I decided to get radical...


Check her out at Macy's...looking at perfume in...her PJs!!!  I have to say, it felt WONDERFUL!!!  Very liberating to break out of my normal routine. 

She actually got lots of compliments and thought it was entirely fun to be shopping in PJs.  When we got home my husband said,

"Welcome Home Bag Lady."

And he was just being honest...I really did look like a bag lady.  Shopping in PJs wasn't nearly as charming on me as it was on Munchkin Girl.  I probably won't start doing it all the time, but sometimes it's really nice to break out of your comfort zone.

5 Embarrassing Mom Moments this week

1.  Little Buddy tried to shove me off the toilet this week.  He kept pointing and grunting at the Dora potty seat.  It was really stressing him out that I was on the toilet without it and he wanted me to get up and put it on.  The problem is that he's getting very strong and my ass is far too large to use the Dora potty seat.  It was quite a struggle to stay seated.
2.  Munchkin Girl suddenly stopped walking in Target.  She looked at me and said, "Mommy, I smell something bad.  Did you peep?"  Damn kid and her perceptive nose.  She's like the smell police.
3.  Little Buddy wouldn't stay in the circle at our first (and last) Gymboree Class.  He kept getting up and wanting to run around the room and play with everything.  In his defense, the kooky teachers really expected an 18 month old boy to sit in a tiny circle and play with puppets when there was a huge room full of balls and things to climb on.  I mean, he's only human.
4.  I filled up my grocery cart to the brim, bought everything, and ended up at home somehow with an empty car.  This is the 2nd time I have left my groceries at the store.  In a month.
5.  Munchkin Girl looked wistfully out the window one night during sunset.  All kinds of wispy clouds were in the sky.  She said, "Mommy, I think I saw a falling star.  Don't you just love summer?"  (Okay, you got me.  That was a Fun one, not an embarassing one.  They redeemed themselves)

I also started a new Facebook page, called Embarrassing Mom Moments.  Feel free to join up there and add your own embarrassing Mom Moments. 

Yoga + Toddlers = Bad Idea

Lipstick and a Kiss