Showing posts with label discipline. Show all posts
Showing posts with label discipline. Show all posts
Monday, October 15, 2012
There is Hope Yet: It's All a Process
Last weekend I made an important discovery: My older brother was in town and we sat around one night, telling stories about when we were little. Surprisingly, the boys were telling me things I never knew about them. About fights they'd gotten into and other bad things they'd done and it suddenly hit me: my brothers and I weren't perfect when we were growing up. In fact, we were sometimes real jerks. This is surprising for me because in my humble opinion we all turned out pretty great so I have totally blocked all bad behavior out of my mind. Today we are a family that laughs together, wants the best for each other and adores spending time with each other. But the truth is, it wasn't always this way. Here is a picture of my brothers joking around and making fun of my pregnant stomach (about five years ago).
But we weren't always this fun. I think this is significant because sometimes as a Mom, I cannot understand why my kids just won't listen to me. I am constantly baffled with the way they pester each other and then cry about the fact that the other one has decided to pester back. I think sometimes I expect them to be perfect little angels and honestly they often are. After all, I do all the right things. I am consistent with my discipline, I make them eat healthy food, and I try to have as much fun with them as possible. Yet there are days on the weekends when my husband and I look at each other at the end of the day and wonder what went wrong? Why did we have such a rough day? Why were the kids at each other's throats and why did they do everything they could to annoy us?
The answer is that this whole thing is a process and my brothers made me realize that. If my Mom had written a blog or a journal back when we were growing up, she would have had amazing stories. She would have told about how my little brother loved toy guns almost a little too much. About how he once shoved another Mom and yelled, "Get away you dork! That's my Mom and I need to talk to her!!" And my older brother is now the sweetest, most mild-mannered soul, yet at one point in high school his debate teacher honestly thought he needed anger management counseling (due to a long list of bizarre behavior, which I won't get into right now). And how my Mom once told my Dad about me, "Take her somewhere. I can't take take any more whining. I JUST CANNOT TAKE IT!!!"
These new memories about how we kids weren't perfect at all has really lowered the bar for my own expectations and it's quite a relief to know that one bad day or even one bad week full of whining and fighting doesn't mean that I am failing and my kids are hopeless. In fact, every time I have to discipline and teach them a lesson, I am re-enforcing everything so that one day, hopefully, in the very distant future, they will understand. I am looking forward to telling them some of these stories. I hope they laugh and say they're sorry, they way my brothers and I have done to my parents. My fingers are crossed!
I also want to say thank you so much to all of you out there! I love writing my blog and I love having so many visitors! I can't tell you how much I appreciate all the support on my book too! I have been so honored by all the wonderful comments we have gotten! One of my favorites was from Dawn@Prickly Mom:
I also want to say thank you so much to all of you out there! I love writing my blog and I love having so many visitors! I can't tell you how much I appreciate all the support on my book too! I have been so honored by all the wonderful comments we have gotten! One of my favorites was from Dawn@Prickly Mom:
Love your book! Seriously, I rate it up there with my heroes Elizabeth Pantley and John Rosemond in terms of day-to-day usefulness. Bravo!
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Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Tattletales
Anyway, I've always encouraged Munchkin Girl not to tattle on others. I am realizing this is a fine line. The other day I was making breakfast and they were on the other side of the kitchen island from me so I couldn't see them. Munchkin Girl was kind of whining and I figured they were fighting over a toy. I kept cooking. I figured they would work it out. Little Buddy was screeching with delight and I finally peeked over the counter. He had a brush in his hand and was pummeling poor Little Munchkin Girl over the head with the hard brush. Repeatedly.
I practically jumped over the counter and yanked the brush out of his hand. "You poor thing, why didn't you tell me he was hitting you?" I gathered her in my arms and she was really pretty tough about the whole thing.
"Mommy, you said not to tattle."
Oops. I guess it's a fine line. My Mom is a PE teacher at an elementary school and she says it's the difference between tattling and reporting. I guess I need to learn the difference so Little Munchkin won't end up with black eyes from her "little" brother who happens to weigh more than she does!
Incidentally I think this whole incident was pretty funny because she does actually tattle on him a lot and sometimes it's useful. For example she tells me when he's eating bugs or getting in the mud. I'm not sure why she chose this particular incident to avoid tattling, but I clearly need some help figuring this one out!
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