New Research: Parents Feel Guilty About Using Phones at PlayGrounds - But Should We?

When my Mom was a kid, her Mom dropped her off for the entire weekend at the farm where they kept their horses.  She was only ten years old.  A few interesting facts about this: 1.  The farm was thirty minutes from home 2.  There was no phone at the farm in case of emergencies 3.  There was no adult supervision whatsoever 4.  At least ten other girls were also dropped off for the weekend, so it was basically like a big, dangerous slumber party.
Times have changed, and Moms would get arrested for this nowadays, but something powerful came out of those weekends at the farm...no one knows how to problem-solve like my Mom does.  We call her "The Random Innovator".  She is a perfect example of the fact that when we give kids time to explore and learn through play, they become amazing problem-solvers.  In fact lately, there has been lots of buzz including a recent NY Times article about how kids learn much more through playing than they do through rigorous academics.  
Now, fast-forward to our society, where parents are trapped in a prison of their own guilt.  A new study from The University of Washington found that the majority of parents feel they shouldn't even look at their phones while their kids are playing at the park.  According to the survey, 44% of parents say they know they shouldn't use their phones, but they can't help themselves and then they feel guilty about it later.  Another 28% say they know they shouldn't use their phones and they follow through and keep their phones away.  The article implies that these are the "good parents", since they managed to have their eyes locked on their children at all times.  But has anyone stopped to wonder what are we teaching kids when we feel we must watch them at all times?  We are teaching them that they are the center of the universe and no one else matters.  We are teaching them it's not okay for Moms and Dads to have lives outside their children.  We are teaching them that we don't trust them to play safely without our supervision.      Of course it's great that we don't leave our children alone at random farms anymore and it's admirable to try not to be glued to your phone when you're supposed to be spending quality time with your kids, but have we gone too far?   The study also reports that many of the parents who used their phones at the park were using it to email photos to Grandma.  And yet they felt guilty about it.  Why is that such a crime?
I say maybe we find a happy medium.  Let's just calmly explain that we are taking a minute to use our phone to email photos to Grandma.  The kids will understand.  Let's not rush over and get our hands ready to catch them when they start climbing the monkey bars.  Let's show them we trust them to learn things by themselves.  Let's take time to read books we like and not feel guilty about it.  Who knows, maybe they will find a way to amuse themselves.  Let's feel free to pay bills for thirty minutes and face the fact that we can't spend every second of every day making Pinterest-worthy crafts with the kids.    
Instead of feeling guilty, let's just smile lovingly when they tell us to watch them for the twentieth time doing the Monkey Bars.  Then we can go back to reading our book at the park so that our kids can also learn to become "Random Innovators" without us hovering over them every second of every day.

Please also check out my book! It is a wonderful resource for Moms, and was co-written with both a teacher and a Mom perspective. Here is a few review that you can find on Amazon:

"This book seriously saved my sanity. I've read a bunch of parenting books but this is literally the only one that actually gave me real and specific advice and ideas for things to do with my daughter. I'm a stay-at-home mom to a 2-year old and I was at my wits end trying to come up with ideas of fun, easy, creative things to do with her that will keep her busy and occupied and help her learn. I wasn't very good at following through on ideas that I heard about from friends or read in other books or online because they seemed too complicated (aka: messy!) but this book broke it down and made it so simple. I highly recommend it!"

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I'm Addicted to Sugar but With a Cleanse Diet, I Shall Overcome

Hello, my name is Katie and I'm a sugaraholic.  This is pretty off topic for my what my blog is usually about, but I'm feeling so hungry by this point that it's all I can think about right now!  My basic problem is that I have to have a dessert every single day.   Every night I tell myself that I won't have any dessert tomorrow...no cookies, no cupcakes, no CHOCOLATE!!

Then I wake up, and I convince myself that it's not a problem if I want a dessert here or there.  I'm good at eating in moderation so I don't really gain a lot of weight, but my eating habits are terrible.  Yes, I'm lucky that I can eat cookies every day and still not be obese, but the truth is that my Mom had a heart attack at age 55 so I clearly have some genetics that I'm fighting.  Good metabolism?  Check.  Heart disease in family?  Also check.

Not only that, but I'm always feeling bloated and yucky.  Probably TMI but I want you to have all the facts.  So now that I'm in a vicious cycle, I've decided I need to do something drastic.  I have elected to do a "cleanse" diet.  I have heard of one where you only drink cayenne pepper and water for three days.  I've heard of ones where you only drink lemon water.  At first, I couldn't believe I was even considering this.  I remember mocking Gwyneth Paltrow so badly when I read that she had done this.  What a weirdo!!

But the problem is that all my good intentions aren't working, so I need to get totally out of my comfort zone.  After much research, I have selected the Dr. Oz 48 hour weekend cleanse.   It's only for 2 days and I figure...I can do anything for 2 days, right?  Basically he says you shouldn't starve yourself, but should only eat things that naturally get rid of toxins, such as fennel bulbs, cabbage, quinoa, and flaxseed.  If you are anything like me, your first question was, what the heck is a fennel bulb???

They give you very specific recipes for breakfast, lunch and dinner, along with an extensive shopping list.  I took Munchkin Girl with me to Whole Foods.  I felt as out of place there as Shrek would have felt if someone elected him to be the cook in The Little Mermaid.  We wandered around the store looking for flaxseed and pomegrante juice.  This might be normal for some of you, but not for me.  Let me put it to you this way.  When I pulled the radishes off the shelf, my hands were covered in mud.  This is very confusing for me.  What are you supposed to do at the store when your hands are covered in mud?  There is no sink.  I didn't bring any paper towels??

Moving on.  We gathered up all my ingredients and we giggled through most of it.  Then it came time to go home and prepare everything and again, I just very confused.  After literally two minutes of washing the radishes, I was still getting mud on my hands. Seriously?  I'm a grown woman, not a 2 year old boy.  I don't really like eating mud.
 

Then I got to the fennel bulb.  Here were the instructions: 1 fennel bulb, fronds and stalks included, roughly chopped

What the heck is a frond?  And which part is the stalk? 
 

I did my best and everything simmered for an hour and didn't actually smell that bad.  Then I opened up the pot.  The instructions were to serve this soup with a side of apples and sauerkraut.  Yikes.


I am proud to say that I forced this meal down after a full day of similar weirdness.  I lost one full pound the first day, which wasn't exactly the point but is always a bonus.

Do I consider this experiment a success?

Absolutely.  I really do love being stretched outside my comfort zone, even if I have to eat fennels and muddy radishes.  Plus, just about anything sounds good now.  Even a regular salad sounds like heaven.  Whether I'll be able to kick my cookie habit is still to be determined, but one thing is for sure.  Munchkin Girl is glad I'm done with this craziness.  This morning she came downstairs and I had already made myself my quinoa with prunes and rice milk.

She looked all sleepy and said, "Mommy, what smells so bad?"

Amen, sister.



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