I’m not a Work-Out Mom, I’m not a Career Mom, so what kind of Mom am I?

We moved across the country this summer, and this meant my kids would be the new kids at school, so I began to have a one track mind on getting them assimilated quickly.  I made playdates with neighbors, I signed them up for soccer and Girl Scouts, but at Back to School night something funny happened.  When we walked into the school, I realized this was also about us as parents, and more specifically, about me.  I needed to meet the Moms too.  Now I felt like the new kid myself and something struck me.  There were Moms dressed in their fancy career clothes, there were Moms dressed in work-out clothes (at 7pm), and there were the PTA Moms.  The problem was, I didn't fit into any of those categories.

I work out a little, but I don't love it.  I used to be a big career Mom, but I quit when we moved to Colorado, since we were only going to be there for a year, so while I still remember vividly what it was like to be a working Mom, as far as everyone else is concerned, I am a stay at home Mom.  I'm not a trendy Mom either, or a shopping Mom.  Suddenly I felt panicked.  Where would I fit?  What kind of Mom was I going to be?  Would I go back to work?  Would I get super involved in school?  Would I join a gym?

I shared my insecurities with my Mom and my husband.  They pretty much thought I was a crazy person.  Why did I care where I fit in?

I tried to get over it by telling myself I was being silly.  I just needed to be myself and all would be well.  But I did care.  I went out and bought a fancy tennis skirt.  Then toyed with the idea of going back to work.  I joined the PTA.  I was sure something would feel normal soon.

Then one day my kids came home from school and for about the fifth day in a row, they were all upset about something that happened on the bus.  The bus company kept changing drivers, and changing pick-up times, and seating arrangements, and I realized this bus situation was causing them a tremendous amount of stress.  They said they loved the bus and truly there were a lot of advantages.  Everyone in the neighborhood takes the bus so they get to socialize a lot.  They got to trade Pokemon cards, which they loved.  Even I loved the bus because they looked so cute getting on and off and plus then I didn't have to fight the car line every day, but I knew it wasn't working.  I made an impulsive decision and decided to pull them off the bus.  They were sad about it at first, and I could tell everyone thought I was a bit crazy about the whole thing, but I decided to give it two weeks.

Two weeks later, I was amazed.  They never complained about school anymore.  They were happier.  There were no more tears at night.  The bus truly had been causing all the angst, they just didn't know it.  That's when it hit me: I'm not Gym Mom, I'm not Soccer Mom, I'm not Career Mom.  I'm Flexible Mom.

Since I'm not working I can change our schedule if we need to.  I can babysit my nephew if my sister in law needs a break.  I can get my husbands tire fixed for him on a whim.  I can go with my Mom on a crazy two hour drive to look at a horse she wants to buy, because I am flexible.

It's good to have an identity.  I think that's why Stay at Home Moms struggle so much, because sometimes just being a stay at home Mom isn't enough of an identity for us.  But for now, I'm content to be Flexible Mom.  Because someday, I might find something I'm really passionate about, and I can be flexible enough to jump on it.  And in the meantime, I'll just keep trying my best to be a good Mom, and I'll keep trying to live in the moment and savor every moment of my flexible life.



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5 Things Efficient (and Happy) Moms Do Every Day: Part 1

There is no reason that Moms can't run their households like a very efficient workplace.  They are very similar.  Both at home and at work we must prioritize our time, plan for the future, and check things of our to-do list.  I find that the more efficient I am the more free time I have, both for me and for my kids.  Not only that, I'm much happier.  With this in mind, I have worked hard to come up with ways to save myself time at home, just as I did when I was working at a Fortune 500 company, and you can do it too!
Get an Email Organization System Get a system for your emails.  I recommend using Outlook (if you need help setting that up, check out this old post I did with lots of great information).  The trick is setting up folders and filing away things you have done so that you can use the in-box as a to-do list.  Then spend 15 minutes per day organizing and going through emails.  You can even set up rules within Outlook so that all those annoying emails from Gymboree go straight into the "Coupon" folder so you don't have to see them in your in-box but they are there if you need them for your next trip to the mall.  Here is an example of my folders (notice how many coupons I have accumulated!  That's over 5,000 emails that I never had to sort.  They just went straight to that folder for future reference)

Get a blue-tooth Headset Purchase a head-set for multi-tasking.  You can fold laundry, work on dinner, organize files, clean out your purse, all while you wait on hold for the cable company or catch up with your Mom!  I use mine every single day, and it is so much better than using the speakerphone.  Here is the one I use.

Wake up Early At a minimum, wake up thirty minutes before the kids do, so you can get your day organized, wake up in the peace and quiet, and take a shower.  If you can even wake up early enough to get a little bit of exercise, even better!  You will feel so amazing if you give your body a little time to get some endorphins first thing in the morning.  Buy a cheap treadmill from someone on Craiglist for the basement and the kids will never even know you're awake.  Then take a few extra minutes to sort your emails so you have a fresh slate for the day.
Review your budget Moms should run the budget for a couple of reasons.  First, we won't overspend if we know what our goal is.  Second, we are the ones who make a lot of the decisions on what to get for birthday parties, clothing, etc., so again, it makes sense for us to take control of the budget.  The trick is looking at it every day.  I like to use Mint.com.  It's free, and easy to set up.  You can set up monthly budgets and then link to your credit card and bank accounts so you can make sure you are sticking to your budget each month.
Use your Phone for Notes Make lists on your phone like books you want to read, music you want to download, birthday ideas for kids, etc.  I like to use the "Notes" feature on my iPhone, that way it's always handy.


Helping Moms stay organized and efficient is a passion of mine!  I will be continuing this train of thought with a 2nd post about 5 more ways to make the most out of your days.  I will also begin consulting with Moms on getting organized, so if you're feeling overwhelmed with budgeting or emails or anything else, let me know!  I can help!

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15 Fun Ways to Work on Letters and Sight Words

1. Egg Hunt for Letters and Sight Words - Write words or letters on small pieces of paper and leave place them in eggs for a fun hunt!
   
   
   
   
   
2. Make Letters with this Easy Home-made Play-Dough
3. Write letters to friends or family or create a Pen-Pal
4. Matching Game - Write letters on several different sheets of paper.  Use Play-Dough to create shapes and then ask your child to match each shape to the correct letter.  Such as matching "Star" to "S".  Have your child physically place each shape on the correct letter.
5. 
6. ABC Activity Using Dot Markers 
7. Rock Letters
8. Hunting in sand for letters
9. Using glue and Christmas sprinkles for fun sensory letters and words
10. Letters with Home-Made Puff Paint
    
11. Play Bingo, either by making your own, or buy this cheap one from Amazon!
12. Play Scrabble Junior - It's a lot more fun than than we thought it would be!
13. Do "Homework".  Make letters on a page and have them circle each letter as you say it (This works especially well if kids have an older sibling and you can tell them they are doing "homework")
    
    
14. Cut out objects from a magazine and spread them on the table.  Tell your child to pick out every object that start with "s", and so on.
15. Letter Tree - Make a large tree and make sight words on "leaves".  Have your child glue the sight words to the tree and let them hang it in their room so they can see it often.

For more ideas on engaging your children and keeping them busy, please consider buying my book, co-written by an amazing Kindergarten Teacher! We give you lots of fun ideas on ways to work on fine motor skills, reading, math, science, and lots more.   The Happy Mommy Handbook: The Ultimate How-to Guide on Keeping Your Toddlers and Preschoolers Busy, Out of Trouble and Motivated to Learn.

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Terrible Twos? It Could be Gut Bacteria!

People never used to believe me when I told them that my son cried all the time, but he really did.  And I mean, All. The. Time.  One time he wanted to play with one of my shoes.  I politely took it away and he began throwing a fit.  And he proceeded to throw a fit for 65 minutes.  I know because I counted the minutes.  He followed me around the house, crying for an entire 65 minutes.  

Several months later we went on a trip and we didn't have access to a refrigerator and in an attempt to save money, I ordered water instead of milk for the kids for several meals.  All of a sudden, I noticed a different kid.  He didn't cry all the time.  He suddenly had normal, non-runny poops, and it began to occur to me that he might be lactose intolerant.  My husband thought I was crazy, but when I brought it up with my doctor, he immediately recommended we get him tested and voila!  We suddenly had to worry about Lactaid pills, butter-filled desserts, and pizza nights, but the great news was that life was so much better for our entire family!  My heart broke for him when I realized how uncomfortable he must have been those first two years of his life.  Along with taking away milk products, we started a daily Probiotic treatment and the combination made all the difference.

While lactose intolerance is pretty rare in kids, general stomach discomfort isn't.  Some new research just came out from Ohio State University Center for Clinical and Translational Science, that the microbiome of a toddler's gut may affect his temperament and behavior, particularly in boys.  The study carefully points out that there is a communication between bacteria in the gut and the brain, but also urges parents not to change diets just yet since they are continuing their research on the subject.  However, based on my experience, if your toddler is going through anything like the "Terrible Two's", I suggest that you strongly consider starting Probiotics.  It might make all the difference.  

Here is our favorite Probiotic Brand:







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3 Amazing Novels for Moms to Read This Summer!

Did you know that when your kids see you read, it vastly encourages their love of reading?  It is vitally important for kids to see you enjoying books as much as they do.   But forget my kids.  Nothing makes me happier than finding a good book.  I want to crave it.    I want to wait impatiently for the end of the day so I can climb into bed and read.  I want to literally have the urge to neglect my children all day long so I can read my book. The problem is that it's really hard to find books that fit that description.  Most of them are pretty good.  Some are downright boring.  So, I'm going to share with you three amazing books that you can read this summer.  
1.  The Midnight Rose: A Novel by Lucinda Riley.  
I pretty much love everything Ms. Riley has written, but this one is by far the best.  It is one of those amazing multi-generational books that I love (think Thornbirds) and there is a mystery there as well. It is based mostly in England, but the main character hails from India so there is some amazing imagery as well from India, where the air is warm, the flowers are rich and colorful, and the people are loving.  I don't know much about India, so it was fascinating to learn about India in the early 20th century.  You will definitely want to stick your kids in front of the TV so you can read this one all day (not that I encourage that behavior, I just want to have the urge to do it).

2.  The Secret Keeper: A Novel by Kate Morton

Again, I love this all this author's books, but this one is the best.  The story takes place in England, before and during WWII.  I'm beginning to feel that I don't want any more books about WWII, but this one is so unique that it's worth it.  It has such an amazing twist (hence the name, Secret Keeper), that you will finish the book and feel so thrilled about what happened.  The story starts out with a young girl witnessing her mother commit a murder.  Laurel's mother was never caught.  Laurel never tells anyone what she saw and life goes on.  We then get to see flashbacks about Laurel's mother and she is such a warm, fun, and amazing Mom that we are puzzled as to how she could have killed anyone.  You will love all the characters in this book and love helping Laurel solve the mystery of her mother's heinous crime.

3.  The Bronze Horseman (The Bronze Horseman Trilogy Book 1)

Did you know that many American families in the early nineteenth century loved the idea of communism?  They loved it so much that many CHOSE to move to communist Russia and live in abject poverty, where most of them died.  The Bronze Horseman is truly a love story (and an amazing one at that), but I also enjoyed learning all about a piece of Russian and American history that I never knew about before.  Again, I craved this book all day long until I turned the last page.

Hopefully you enjoy these books as much as I do.  Please let me know if you read them, and please comment and share what are some of your favorite books so I can look forward to neglecting my children all summer! Also, please consider checking out my own book!  You will find ideas on engaging your children and keeping them busy, co-written by an amazing Kindergarten Teacher! We give you lots of fun ideas on ways to work on fine motor skills, reading, math, science, and lots more.   The Happy Mommy Handbook: The Ultimate How-to Guide on Keeping Your Toddlers and Preschoolers Busy, Out of Trouble and Motivated to Learn.   Want to see all my posts?  Put your email address here to become a subscriber!

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5 Absurd Things that Make Me Feel Guilty

Mom guilt is real.  I thought for sure it would disappear once I quit working.  It turns out I was wrong.  I still have guilt, but now it's totally irrational.  Here are 5 absurd things that make me feel guilty:

1. Putting the kids to bed on time.  I always hear these parents say, "I just couldn't bring myself to put them to bed because we were all having such a great time!"  I'm sorry, but I NEVER feel remotely tempted to keep them awake. In fact, the prospect of some alone time with just "big kids" makes me feel giddy.  And I feel guilty about that.  
2. Working on "home stuff".  We are moving across the country later this summer and the other day I spent several hours researching moving company reviews on Yelp, Angies List, etc.  The kids were perfectly happy with the activities I had given them, and yet I felt guilty for ignoring them for most of the morning.  Yet, what is the alternative?  I could NOT research moving companies and end up with half our stuff missing or broken during our move.  Obviously that would be worse, right?
3. Making them do chores.  I know it's good for them.  I don't want them to end up as entitled little brats, but sometimes when they're playing happily and peacefully together, it makes me feel so mean to interrupt them to do chores.  Plus, they look so forlorn when I say they have to clean up their rooms before they can go outside and play.  Yet, it's totally silly because of me because of course we need to feed the dog, clean up before Daddy gets home, and clean up rooms.  And it has to happen sometime.
4. Not letting them eat Pop-Tarts and junk food.  I got to eat junk food when I was a kid.  Not a lot, but definitely more than I let my kids eat.  They are 5 and 6 and just got to have the ice cream truck for the first time last week.  I know rationally this is healthier for them, but sometimes I feel a little ounce of guilt for not letting them enjoy junk food more often.
5. Not letting them go to Chuck-E-Cheese's.  They beg me.  And beg me.  And beg me to go to Chuck-E-Cheese.  And I don't let them, mostly because I can't face it.  The germs, the noise, the food.  I avoid the whole scene, and again, for that I feel guilty.  

What about you?  Do you struggle with Mom guilt?  What are your triggers?

I hope you will also consider checking out my book, co-written by an amazing Kindergarten Teacher! We give you lots of fun ideas on ways to work on fine motor skills, reading, math, science, and lots more.   The Happy Mommy Handbook: The Ultimate How-to Guide on Keeping Your Toddlers and Preschoolers Busy, Out of Trouble and Motivated to Learn.

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New Research: Parents Feel Guilty About Using Phones at PlayGrounds - But Should We?

When my Mom was a kid, her Mom dropped her off for the entire weekend at the farm where they kept their horses.  She was only ten years old.  A few interesting facts about this: 1.  The farm was thirty minutes from home 2.  There was no phone at the farm in case of emergencies 3.  There was no adult supervision whatsoever 4.  At least ten other girls were also dropped off for the weekend, so it was basically like a big, dangerous slumber party.
Times have changed, and Moms would get arrested for this nowadays, but something powerful came out of those weekends at the farm...no one knows how to problem-solve like my Mom does.  We call her "The Random Innovator".  She is a perfect example of the fact that when we give kids time to explore and learn through play, they become amazing problem-solvers.  In fact lately, there has been lots of buzz including a recent NY Times article about how kids learn much more through playing than they do through rigorous academics.  
Now, fast-forward to our society, where parents are trapped in a prison of their own guilt.  A new study from The University of Washington found that the majority of parents feel they shouldn't even look at their phones while their kids are playing at the park.  According to the survey, 44% of parents say they know they shouldn't use their phones, but they can't help themselves and then they feel guilty about it later.  Another 28% say they know they shouldn't use their phones and they follow through and keep their phones away.  The article implies that these are the "good parents", since they managed to have their eyes locked on their children at all times.  But has anyone stopped to wonder what are we teaching kids when we feel we must watch them at all times?  We are teaching them that they are the center of the universe and no one else matters.  We are teaching them it's not okay for Moms and Dads to have lives outside their children.  We are teaching them that we don't trust them to play safely without our supervision.      Of course it's great that we don't leave our children alone at random farms anymore and it's admirable to try not to be glued to your phone when you're supposed to be spending quality time with your kids, but have we gone too far?   The study also reports that many of the parents who used their phones at the park were using it to email photos to Grandma.  And yet they felt guilty about it.  Why is that such a crime?
I say maybe we find a happy medium.  Let's just calmly explain that we are taking a minute to use our phone to email photos to Grandma.  The kids will understand.  Let's not rush over and get our hands ready to catch them when they start climbing the monkey bars.  Let's show them we trust them to learn things by themselves.  Let's take time to read books we like and not feel guilty about it.  Who knows, maybe they will find a way to amuse themselves.  Let's feel free to pay bills for thirty minutes and face the fact that we can't spend every second of every day making Pinterest-worthy crafts with the kids.    
Instead of feeling guilty, let's just smile lovingly when they tell us to watch them for the twentieth time doing the Monkey Bars.  Then we can go back to reading our book at the park so that our kids can also learn to become "Random Innovators" without us hovering over them every second of every day.

Please also check out my book! It is a wonderful resource for Moms, and was co-written with both a teacher and a Mom perspective. Here is a few review that you can find on Amazon:

"This book seriously saved my sanity. I've read a bunch of parenting books but this is literally the only one that actually gave me real and specific advice and ideas for things to do with my daughter. I'm a stay-at-home mom to a 2-year old and I was at my wits end trying to come up with ideas of fun, easy, creative things to do with her that will keep her busy and occupied and help her learn. I wasn't very good at following through on ideas that I heard about from friends or read in other books or online because they seemed too complicated (aka: messy!) but this book broke it down and made it so simple. I highly recommend it!"

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