Monday, May 13, 2013
5 Reasons I Try Not to Yell (Very Often)
- There is scientific evidence that says that Moms who are more nurturing and have more patience have smarter kids in the long run. I am very much of a goal-oriented person, so it helps me feel that I am doing something scientifically positive when I take a deep breath and force myself to follow through with a reasonable punishment instead of yelling.
- There is more scientific evidence that yelling can be almost as bad as hitting, in terms of emotional scarring down the road.
- Yelling is mean. I haven't had someone scream at me in years. I would NEVER scream at my husband so why would I scream at my kids, who are a lot more vulnerable? Bottom line is that I always feel guilty after I yell and I feel crummy for hours if not days. Why not try to avoid that if I can?
- Yelling is far more effective if done rarely. Yes, I truly think sometimes kids need to know that what they have done will not be tolerated. I remember the rare times my parents yelled at me it was very effective. But just like anything else, if overused, yelling loses all benefits.
- When I think about the kind of parent I want to be, and the kind of relationship I want to have with my kids, it never involves my yelling and them being scared and resentful of me. I want them to be respectful and not bratty of course, and that means effective discipline, but I want them to also think I am reasonable and they can talk to me about things in the future, when life gets more complicated. After all, I think there is a lot of truth to the saying, "Little Kids, Little Problems. Big Kids, Big Problems." Maybe, just maybe, if I have a good partnership with my kids by the time they're teen-agers, I can prevent bigger problems. With teen drug use on the rise, it's worth the effort.
I hope this has inspired you the way it inspired me. If not, don't feel guilty and don't yell at me. Every person and every child is different.