Monday, May 13, 2013

5 Reasons I Try Not to Yell (Very Often)

I don't know about you, but I love to feel inspired.  I love it when someone can give me solid reasons to improve myself.  So that gave me an idea.  Lately I have noticed that yell less and I think it's mainly because as a blogger, I have done a lot of research on parenting styles, so I began to compile a list of the 5 Reasons that I try not to lose it with the kids.  I don't always succeed, I'm not perfect.  Sometimes I scream at the top of my lungs and they cower in fear and promise to stop pestering each other.  But lately I've been doing better and here is why:

5 Reasons I Try (But Don't Always Succeed) Not to Yell 
  1. There is scientific evidence that says that Moms who are more nurturing and have more patience have smarter kids in the long run.    I am very much of a goal-oriented person, so it helps me feel that I am doing something scientifically positive when I take a deep breath and force myself to follow through with a reasonable punishment instead of yelling.
  2. There is more scientific evidence that yelling can be almost as bad as hitting, in terms of emotional scarring down the road.
  3. Yelling is mean.  I haven't had someone scream at me in years.  I would NEVER scream at my husband so why would I scream at my kids, who are a lot more vulnerable?  Bottom line is that I always feel guilty after I yell and I feel crummy for hours if not days.  Why not try to avoid that if I can?
  4. Yelling is far more effective if done rarely.  Yes, I truly think sometimes kids need to know that what they have done will not be tolerated.  I remember the rare times my parents yelled at me it was very effective.  But just like anything else, if overused, yelling loses all benefits.
  5. When I think about the kind of parent I want to be, and the kind of relationship I want to have with my kids, it never involves my yelling and them being scared and resentful of me.  I want them to be respectful and not bratty of course, and that means effective discipline, but I want them to also think I am reasonable and they can talk to me about things in the future, when life gets more complicated.  After all, I think there is a lot of truth to the saying, "Little Kids, Little Problems.  Big Kids, Big Problems."  Maybe, just maybe, if I have a good partnership with my kids by the time they're teen-agers, I can prevent bigger problems.  With teen drug use on the rise, it's worth the effort.

I hope this has inspired you the way it inspired me.  If not, don't feel guilty and don't yell at me.  Every person and every child is different.

For other ideas on how to avoid yelling at your little ones and try to find positive ways to encourage and spend time with them, I hope you'll check out my book, The Happy Mommy Handbook: The Ultimate How-to Guide on Keeping Your Toddlers and Preschoolers Busy, Out of Trouble, and Motivated to Learn!

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  1. Hot topic! I am working on this every day...sometimes loosing temper and patience, we mother, parents are only humans..... Thanks for sharing this important post! Love your blog day by day more and more!

  2. Yelling is the thing I have to work at not doing also! I never hit. In a house where we all have adhd and busy lives the frustration runs high and patience low often!

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