7 Signs that You Need to Toughen Up

I remember the day vividly when I realized I needed to toughen up.  I was working full-time and I had two small kids and my husband was working all the time.  They both suddenly came down with the stomach flu.  I had several light bulbs that needed to be replaced and I hadn't bothered to do it because I needed to get a ladder out of the garage.  Suddenly a spider came out of a towel and my daughter yelled, "A bug!  Where's Daddy?"  It occurred to me then that I needed to take control and toughen up.

I killed that spider and marched out to the garage for the ladder.  It felt wonderful.  Then I took some probiotics to ward off the stomach flu decided I just wasn't going to get it.  I just couldn't.  And I didn't.  And from that day forward, I felt like a new woman.

Now, 5 years later, my daughter comes to me when she finds a scary bug.  Or she takes care of it herself, since she's also a mini-scientist and loves to catch and collect all kinds of bugs.  When she grows up and is a young Mom, I have no intention of her living in a dark house, filled with spiders the way I did, because there is just no reason to.  Of course, I love my husband, and we are a good team, but being tough and independent is one of the most rewarding changes I have ever made in my life.

Here are 7 signs you need to toughen up:
1.  You don't change your own bulbs, especially the high-up ones.  That's right ladies, don't be afraid to go get a ladder.  There's no reason to leave it for your husband.  Take charge right when you realize it's burned out.
2.  You go to your husband when you find a bug that needs to be killed (or caught and released, depending on your point of view).  They're not that scary.  In fact, you could help your kids collect disgusting spiders, cicada shells, and preying mantis (see below, every summer we collect these and I find them all over the house in plastic bags).  AND you can put the worms on the hook yourself.



3.  You are afraid to take on house-hold projects, even small ones such as adding extra hooks to the swingset or hanging pictures.  There is no reason to leave pictures sitting by a wall for weeks on end just because your husband hasn't had time to hang it.  We live in the world of HGTV.  And, some women are ready good with their hands.  I'm not, but some are and if you're a lucky one, you could tackle some paint jobs and help with the bigger jobs like tile or building decks.
4.  You hate going places by yourself.  You often pull the, "I don't want to drive there by myself," routine, especially if that means a road-trip or an airplane ride with the kids by yourself.  Get yourself a DVD player for the kids, and hit the open road.  You will survive.  If I can do it, you can.
5.  You don't take out your own trash.  Sometimes husbands have early meetings or just forget.  You have strong arms, so putting them to use should be no problem for you.
6.  You never take care of yard work.  But what happens if your husband forgets to water those baby trees?  You can pull weeds, you mow the yard.  (Okay, I admit my husband doesn't let me mow the yard because he says it doesn't look terrible when I do it.  But I do everything else.)
7.  You won't shovel your own snow.  Give the kids a shovel and get 'er done!

Of course, I'm not 100% independent.  I still make my husband throw away dead mice and squirrels, but I do my best and I'm proud to show my kids that being fearless is possible.







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I’m not a Work-Out Mom, I’m not a Career Mom, so what kind of Mom am I?

We moved across the country this summer, and this meant my kids would be the new kids at school, so I began to have a one track mind on getting them assimilated quickly.  I made playdates with neighbors, I signed them up for soccer and Girl Scouts, but at Back to School night something funny happened.  When we walked into the school, I realized this was also about us as parents, and more specifically, about me.  I needed to meet the Moms too.  Now I felt like the new kid myself and something struck me.  There were Moms dressed in their fancy career clothes, there were Moms dressed in work-out clothes (at 7pm), and there were the PTA Moms.  The problem was, I didn't fit into any of those categories.

I work out a little, but I don't love it.  I used to be a big career Mom, but I quit when we moved to Colorado, since we were only going to be there for a year, so while I still remember vividly what it was like to be a working Mom, as far as everyone else is concerned, I am a stay at home Mom.  I'm not a trendy Mom either, or a shopping Mom.  Suddenly I felt panicked.  Where would I fit?  What kind of Mom was I going to be?  Would I go back to work?  Would I get super involved in school?  Would I join a gym?

I shared my insecurities with my Mom and my husband.  They pretty much thought I was a crazy person.  Why did I care where I fit in?

I tried to get over it by telling myself I was being silly.  I just needed to be myself and all would be well.  But I did care.  I went out and bought a fancy tennis skirt.  Then toyed with the idea of going back to work.  I joined the PTA.  I was sure something would feel normal soon.

Then one day my kids came home from school and for about the fifth day in a row, they were all upset about something that happened on the bus.  The bus company kept changing drivers, and changing pick-up times, and seating arrangements, and I realized this bus situation was causing them a tremendous amount of stress.  They said they loved the bus and truly there were a lot of advantages.  Everyone in the neighborhood takes the bus so they get to socialize a lot.  They got to trade Pokemon cards, which they loved.  Even I loved the bus because they looked so cute getting on and off and plus then I didn't have to fight the car line every day, but I knew it wasn't working.  I made an impulsive decision and decided to pull them off the bus.  They were sad about it at first, and I could tell everyone thought I was a bit crazy about the whole thing, but I decided to give it two weeks.

Two weeks later, I was amazed.  They never complained about school anymore.  They were happier.  There were no more tears at night.  The bus truly had been causing all the angst, they just didn't know it.  That's when it hit me: I'm not Gym Mom, I'm not Soccer Mom, I'm not Career Mom.  I'm Flexible Mom.

Since I'm not working I can change our schedule if we need to.  I can babysit my nephew if my sister in law needs a break.  I can get my husbands tire fixed for him on a whim.  I can go with my Mom on a crazy two hour drive to look at a horse she wants to buy, because I am flexible.

It's good to have an identity.  I think that's why Stay at Home Moms struggle so much, because sometimes just being a stay at home Mom isn't enough of an identity for us.  But for now, I'm content to be Flexible Mom.  Because someday, I might find something I'm really passionate about, and I can be flexible enough to jump on it.  And in the meantime, I'll just keep trying my best to be a good Mom, and I'll keep trying to live in the moment and savor every moment of my flexible life.



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5 Things Efficient (and Happy) Moms Do Every Day: Part 1

There is no reason that Moms can't run their households like a very efficient workplace.  They are very similar.  Both at home and at work we must prioritize our time, plan for the future, and check things of our to-do list.  I find that the more efficient I am the more free time I have, both for me and for my kids.  Not only that, I'm much happier.  With this in mind, I have worked hard to come up with ways to save myself time at home, just as I did when I was working at a Fortune 500 company, and you can do it too!
Get an Email Organization System Get a system for your emails.  I recommend using Outlook (if you need help setting that up, check out this old post I did with lots of great information).  The trick is setting up folders and filing away things you have done so that you can use the in-box as a to-do list.  Then spend 15 minutes per day organizing and going through emails.  You can even set up rules within Outlook so that all those annoying emails from Gymboree go straight into the "Coupon" folder so you don't have to see them in your in-box but they are there if you need them for your next trip to the mall.  Here is an example of my folders (notice how many coupons I have accumulated!  That's over 5,000 emails that I never had to sort.  They just went straight to that folder for future reference)

Get a blue-tooth Headset Purchase a head-set for multi-tasking.  You can fold laundry, work on dinner, organize files, clean out your purse, all while you wait on hold for the cable company or catch up with your Mom!  I use mine every single day, and it is so much better than using the speakerphone.  Here is the one I use.

Wake up Early At a minimum, wake up thirty minutes before the kids do, so you can get your day organized, wake up in the peace and quiet, and take a shower.  If you can even wake up early enough to get a little bit of exercise, even better!  You will feel so amazing if you give your body a little time to get some endorphins first thing in the morning.  Buy a cheap treadmill from someone on Craiglist for the basement and the kids will never even know you're awake.  Then take a few extra minutes to sort your emails so you have a fresh slate for the day.
Review your budget Moms should run the budget for a couple of reasons.  First, we won't overspend if we know what our goal is.  Second, we are the ones who make a lot of the decisions on what to get for birthday parties, clothing, etc., so again, it makes sense for us to take control of the budget.  The trick is looking at it every day.  I like to use Mint.com.  It's free, and easy to set up.  You can set up monthly budgets and then link to your credit card and bank accounts so you can make sure you are sticking to your budget each month.
Use your Phone for Notes Make lists on your phone like books you want to read, music you want to download, birthday ideas for kids, etc.  I like to use the "Notes" feature on my iPhone, that way it's always handy.


Helping Moms stay organized and efficient is a passion of mine!  I will be continuing this train of thought with a 2nd post about 5 more ways to make the most out of your days.  I will also begin consulting with Moms on getting organized, so if you're feeling overwhelmed with budgeting or emails or anything else, let me know!  I can help!

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Confessions of a Mom at the Car Wash

It's not my fault that my car looks the way it does.  It really isn't.  For that, I place full blame on the tiny humans that live in the back of my car.

We pulled up to the car wash the other day and I decided to give it the full treatment.  I dragged out the incredibly powerful hose and began the grueling task that every Mom dreads: cleaning out the car.  As I did, I began to fully grasp the seriousness of the situation.  Crayons and popcorn were stuck in places that no one expected.  I found items long ago forgotten: the portable dog bowl we've been looking for since Christmas, the Easter tie from two years ago.  No matter how hard I tried, the dog hair just wouldn't budge.  The stickers stayed stuck to the carpet, and I realized what I really needed was a power-washer for the INSIDE of my car.

Then it happened.  I sucked up something and immediately I knew it was bad, just from the new sound coming from the hose, but the ear-piercing screaming is what really got my attention.  My daughter was acting like someone had poked a hot syringe in her eyeball.

"What's wrong?" I asked frantically.

"My mask!  You vacuumed up my Bat-Girl mask!!!"

The words sunk in and so many things came to my mind.  First of all, the vacuum is strong enough to suck up an entire mask?  Then why won't it get the rest of this stuff from my car?  Second of all, OH NO!!!  The beloved Bat-Girl Mask!  What does a desperate Mom do, especially when it is clearly her fault?

I ran to the man behind the curtain and begged him to help.  He began to dismantle the vacuum and we waited with baited breath.  After several tense minutes he produced a dirty, bedraggled Bat-Girl mask.  We were thrilled.  I could have kissed him (And probably would have, but he was in high school and I didn't want him to report me to his parents).



I began to ponder why I even bother cleaning my car, when I know that within a day it's going to look like a homeless person lives there, and then it hit me:  the indignity of a Mom in the car wash.  There are few things in life as humiliating as cleaning out my car, but it's really not my fault.  It's just life.  And honestly, my car wasn't that clean before I had kids, but it wasn't this bad.  I promise.




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5 Absurd Things that Make Me Feel Guilty

Mom guilt is real.  I thought for sure it would disappear once I quit working.  It turns out I was wrong.  I still have guilt, but now it's totally irrational.  Here are 5 absurd things that make me feel guilty:

1. Putting the kids to bed on time.  I always hear these parents say, "I just couldn't bring myself to put them to bed because we were all having such a great time!"  I'm sorry, but I NEVER feel remotely tempted to keep them awake. In fact, the prospect of some alone time with just "big kids" makes me feel giddy.  And I feel guilty about that.  
2. Working on "home stuff".  We are moving across the country later this summer and the other day I spent several hours researching moving company reviews on Yelp, Angies List, etc.  The kids were perfectly happy with the activities I had given them, and yet I felt guilty for ignoring them for most of the morning.  Yet, what is the alternative?  I could NOT research moving companies and end up with half our stuff missing or broken during our move.  Obviously that would be worse, right?
3. Making them do chores.  I know it's good for them.  I don't want them to end up as entitled little brats, but sometimes when they're playing happily and peacefully together, it makes me feel so mean to interrupt them to do chores.  Plus, they look so forlorn when I say they have to clean up their rooms before they can go outside and play.  Yet, it's totally silly because of me because of course we need to feed the dog, clean up before Daddy gets home, and clean up rooms.  And it has to happen sometime.
4. Not letting them eat Pop-Tarts and junk food.  I got to eat junk food when I was a kid.  Not a lot, but definitely more than I let my kids eat.  They are 5 and 6 and just got to have the ice cream truck for the first time last week.  I know rationally this is healthier for them, but sometimes I feel a little ounce of guilt for not letting them enjoy junk food more often.
5. Not letting them go to Chuck-E-Cheese's.  They beg me.  And beg me.  And beg me to go to Chuck-E-Cheese.  And I don't let them, mostly because I can't face it.  The germs, the noise, the food.  I avoid the whole scene, and again, for that I feel guilty.  

What about you?  Do you struggle with Mom guilt?  What are your triggers?

I hope you will also consider checking out my book, co-written by an amazing Kindergarten Teacher! We give you lots of fun ideas on ways to work on fine motor skills, reading, math, science, and lots more.   The Happy Mommy Handbook: The Ultimate How-to Guide on Keeping Your Toddlers and Preschoolers Busy, Out of Trouble and Motivated to Learn.

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Mommy Needs a Break! From Guilt, from Diapers, From Everything!

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10 Things I do for the Kids that I Should Do for Myself too

The other day, after I put the kids to sleep, I felt all tired and dehydrated, and I realized that I'd hardly had anything to drink all day, I'd skipped breakfast, and I wearing an old ratty sweatshirt.  I had to laugh because I would NEVER allow my kids to pull that @!$@!  We Moms do such a great job of caring for our kids and making sure that they are healthy, well-fed, and well-behaved.  Yet sometimes we do such a poor job of taking care of ourselves. So, here are 10 things I do for my kids every day that I really need to start doing for myself too.

1. Take vitamins every day.  You would think this would be easy...but they make my stomach hurt if I don't have a full tummy so I always procrastinate until later in the day...and then of course I forget.
2. Drink Plenty of Water.  For me, this is a practical thing.  If I drink lots of water, I have to pee a lot.  Where am I going to pee when I'm out and about all day?  And then by late in the afternoon I don't want to be up all night...so then I tell myself I'll do better tomorrow...but I do feel so much better when I'm hydrated so I really need to prioritize!
3. Make time for socializing with friends.  I've pretty dedicated to making sure my kids get quality time with other little kids their age...Why don't I do the same for myself?  Because Mom is never the priority, but I'm going to work on it.
4. Eat plenty of veggies.  I'm just going to be honest.  There are days that go by and I don't eat a single veggie.  It's absurd really.  I sit and watch the kids eat carrots.  Why don't I just join them and have a few myself?
5. Make sure the kids never leave the house without looking presentable.  i.e. My daughter always has her hair done nicely and is wearing a dress.  I think I own about 2 dresses currently.
6. Say my prayers.  Sometimes I'm so tired I just forget.  Shame on me.
7. Say Thank You.  I really don't say this enough.  To my husband, to my Mom, to my Baby-sitter, or to any of the wonderful people in my life that do so much for me.
8. Read a Book.  It's probably equally important for Mom to read books.  It's good for the soul.  Plus it really relieves my stress and on top of that, it shows the kids how much I love books too. 
9. Eat Breakfast.  I find that by the time I get the kids their breakfast, their milk, the correct color of fork, napkins, etc., I forget to sit down and eat my own breakfast.  Again, shame on me.  This is terrible for my metabolism.
10. Drink Milk.  I really don't want to end up like one of those hunch-back old ladies.  But I might if I don't get my act together!

The bottom line is, my health and well-being really should be a priority.  When my kids get married, I'm sure they will want me to attend the ceremony on my own two feet, without a hunch-back, and without having recently been in an insane asylum due to stress.   Since I love my kids, I am going to print out this list and check these off each day so that I can be a happier, healthier Mom.



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