Tuesday, May 8, 2012

The Problem With Poor Me Syndrome (For Mommies)

The Problem With Poor Me Syndrome

When I first started blogging, I thought I would be one of those sarcastic, funny bloggers that everyone loves.  Hubby works ALL THE TIME so it would be easy to come up with about oodles of posts with the same central themes: Poor me, my husband works all the time.  Poor me, I always have to be the one who takes out the trash because Hubby is working.  Poor me, my kids are sick all the time and I have to be the one who gets up in the middle of the night. 

Then something happened.  My best friend wanted desperately to have a second child.  She tried and tried but then she found out that her endometriosis and fibroid tumors had become life-threatening.  Finally, her doctors told her she needed a hysterectomy immediately.  She was 30 years old. 

I watched all this happen and did my best to support her and the way my friend reacted took my breath away.  She didn't feel sorry for herself.  Sure, she cried.  Sure, she was incredibly sad.  But she picked herself by her bootstraps, hugged her little girl tight and thanked God for her one healthy child. At that point, I realized I had no business feeling sorry for myself.  I was allowing myself to turn into one of those angry Moms.  You know what I'm talking about.  Yet here was my friend, robbed of her uterus at age 30, and she wasn't mad at the world.  So what if I had to take out the trash?  So what if I always had to be the one to put the kids to bed?  I am lucky to have two healthy children to put to bed each night. 

At that point, I really looked around me and was amazed at what I could learn about being a Mom, not just from my friend, from other Moms too.  Take my own Mom.  When I was growing up, no one was more fun than my Mom.  She was the one giggling with us in church while my Dad gave us the evil eye.  Sure, she wasn't always appropriate, but she ALWAYS had fun with us.  To this day, I laugh more when I'm with my Mom than I do with anyone else and I want my daughter to feel that way about me too.  I realized I needed to do a better job of having fun and not always worrying about how many fruits and vegetables they ate that day or how much TV they watched.

Take my friend Lisa.  She is the one who inspired me to start blogging about crafts.  She truly enjoys spending time with her kids and can come up with a craft idea of of anything.  She doesn't live for nap time.  She lives for playtime. 

Take my own Grandmother.  She used to wake up at 4:30 am to iron her husband's shirt and make him breakfast before he left for work.  Now that's dedication.  Hubby is lucky if I pour him cereal on the weekends.  My grandmother always says that being a Mom is the most wonderful thing that can happen to a woman.

I learn every single day from the Moms around me and I can always find things I admire.  This inspires me to be a better Mom.  So I'm still sarcastic occasionally, but I'm not angry anymore.  Thanks to my friend, I'm a truly happy Mommy.

Don't get me wrong, if you happen to be going through what my friend went through, you have every right to be angry and sad.  Yet, my friend showed me the power of looking for the good in life and I hope she can show you too.

Happy Mother's Day!!

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    I couldn't agree more. I'm so very grateful for my family. So if I want to get a laugh from a blog post, I just talk about poop. No, sarcastic woe is me BS. No way.

    1. Thank you Shannon! That's one of my favorite things about your blog too! I love that one where you wrote BOOBS on your calculator!! :-)

  2. Such a great post and a good way of putting things in perspective! No more woe is me...

  3. Fantastic post! I know exactly what you mean. I find that when I am positive about life my life really is that much better than when I'm negative about it. +1'd it!

  4. Thank you so much for this post. My husband works a ton and is out of town all the time due to work. I found myself always complaining about how hard it is...then my friend had another miscarriage. I too have tried to be more postivie about life. Most days are better, but there are still those pitty party moments.

  5. Oh, I did love this post so much! Here's to cheering our mom friends who strengthen us and inspire us and teach us so much through their own ways. I love the saying a woman is like tea, she gets stronger in hot water!! I have a sister who went through breast cancer and when I asked her if I should come out to help her, her reply was why? I'm not going to be sitting around the house feeling sorry for myself! As long as I feel good, I'm going to be out living life! Amen!

  6. Fantastic and extremely uplifting post! I feel like this ALL the time!!

  7. Wow, this post made me cry. I guess because I can so relate to what your friend went through bc I have a very similar story, but like your friend, my daughter got me through it. Yes, I have gone through the poor me feelings, but when I look at my daughter and realize how lucky I am to call myself mother to her, it's easy to put those feelings away. During Mother's Day, I always say a prayer for the women whose heart aches to be a mother.

  8. It's easy to have a pity party and be mad at the world. It's also easy to take things for granted. It's hard to remember to be optimistic and appreciate what you have! Good for your friend and you!

  9. Well put. When I was angry about being woken up for the 100th time by one of my kids, I just tried to remember my three siblings who each lost a child at or just after birth. I somehow thought they wouldn't be complaining and it helped put things in perspective for me.

  10. Such a beautiful tribute to your mother and grandmother - and all moms who struggle.