New Research Shows Working Moms are Less Depressed

Ever since women entered the workforce in droves during the 80s, Moms have pondered the important question, What Will Make the Happiest?  Should I Work or Should I Stay Home With my Kids?  We may now have an answer.  A new study published by Live Science reveals that women who work, either full time or part time, are healthier and have less depression than women who stay home with their young children.  The study appears to be fairly extensive since it began in 1991 and followed women through every stage of their child's life.


As a working Mom, I have to say that I am a little shocked by these results.  I work because my husband isn't done with his surgical training yet so we need the money.  I also work because I want to and because I truly like having a life outside my kids but I am often crippled with guilt when I leave my kids for the day.  Every single day I wonder if my kids would be happier if Mom was staying home with them.  Guilt is a powerful emotion and it makes me wonder whether this study researched guilt and how it relates to depression?

On the other hand, my job is very flexible and I am often home with the kids, especially by the time they wake up from naps in the afternoon.  I can very easily see why staying home with little children all day could make you a little crazy.  The witching hour between 4 and 7 is crazy.  The kids are often looking for ways to irritate each other or me, which means they cry and whine a lot, and sometimes everything I try seems to end in disaster.

I wonder if the depression that many Moms face is more related to feeling judged.  I know that I feel judged often.  I feel like people wonder if I love my kids enough.  I know that my friends who stay home sometimes feel judged for not having a career.  In my humble opinion, there would probably be less depression if there was less judging.  Maybe we should agree not to judge each other, no matter what we choose for our own families.

Millions of women go to college and spend thousands getting a college education, only to quit working several years later to raise children.  I say Kudos to them!  This study only looks at the health and depression in the Moms, but what about the children?  True, people often say that if Mom is happy the family is happy, but can kids ever really be truly happy at a daycare facility?


My only hope is that women everywhere know that they have the choice and it's okay to reverse their decision.  If staying at home is making you depressed, get a job.  Often once a Mom chooses to stay home, she can't imagine going back to work and putting the kids in daycare, so a vicious cycle begins and that is how women get depressed.

At the same time, if a Mom works and she hates her job and wishes she could stay home with the kids, then she should take steps to make that happen.  Get a smaller house, buy less stuff, figure out how to work part time.
 
I have heard that Stay At Home Moms are a dying breed.  Since I often wish I was a Stay At Home Mom, I sure hope they never become extinct.  That would be a true tragedy.

Playdates

Even though I work, my sitter sometimes has to have the day off, which I actually think is really fun because then I get to play with the kids.  I have a lot of friends who stay home so we almost always have plans and we have a fun playdate with one (or several) of Munchkin Girl's little friends.

Well, last week my sitter had a day off.  The only problem is that every single one of my friends was busy!  I seriously almost felt panicky, like what the hell are we going to do?  Of course I could think of plenty of things I needed to do, like run to Target for diapers because they're cheaper than at the grocery store.  I also had a Disney Movie Club that I need to return and take to the Post Office.  Sounds like a blast, right?

I decided I wasn't going to waste this day doing something boring like errands.  I began to open up my mind to the possiblity of going somewhere...by ourselves!!  I know stay at home moms are faced with this dilemma every day.  I've heard my friends talk about it.   But most of my friends also do literally manage to have something planned with someone every day.  It's just what people do, right?  Even Munchkin Girl seemed confused about the idea of going somewhere without her friends.  She kept saying, "But who ELSE will be there Mommy?" 

It just kind of never occurred to me that Munchkin Girl and Little Buddy could be each other's playmates for the day.  Really, Little Buddy just started walking well within the past few months (he's 16 months).  Plus, he is a total pain in the ass with the stroller.  I see kids all the time that are his age, riding peacefully in the stroller, just looking around and taking it all in.  Not Little Buddy.  He wants to be out, roaming free.  Plus of course he thinks I need his help pushing the stroller.  But then Munchkin Girl wants a turn pushing the stroller and the next thing I know, the three of us will be fighting and pushing and grunting until the stroller accidentally gets pushed directly into someone's legs.  People tend to frown upon having the stroller slam into the back of their legs.  Go figure!

I decided to take them to a local farmstead that has cows, pigs, playground etc.  Normally, a stroller would be the answer but I knew it would be end up being terrible. Little Buddy would whine until I let him out.  Then Munchkin Girl would want to be pushed instead and I'd end up with her in the stroller and him on my hip.  I decided to think outside the box.  I supposed I could let them walk/carry them.  But then I knew once they got tired I would end up with a kid on each hip.  Suddenly I had a "Tadaaaa" moment.   I went out to the garage and came up with this plan:



We had bought these at garage sales and normally we just take them for rides in the neighborhood but I figured why not?  They love riding in them and Little Buddy NEVER fusses while he has his steering wheel.  So, I held my breath while I tried loading them in my car.  They fit!  Off we went with a bag full of snacks and two huge cars that are certainly not meant for trips to places like a zoo.

However, we had a great time!  The cars were PERFECT!!  They could scramble out of them whenever I told them it was time to get out.  They didn't fuss AT ALL!!  I could really focus on the kids and talking to them about stuff instead of being distracted by talking to other moms.  The kids really played together and enjoyed each other...frankly I couldn't believe it!!  We spent about 20 peaceful minutes feeding the fish handfuls of food (How do those fish not die of overfeeding, seriously???)  Anyway, don't get me wrong.  I LOVE playdates and having a change to talk to my other mom friends.  And it's great for the kids to be able to play with other kids and socialize.  But I was really shocked at how peaceful and fun it was to go for a big outing with just the three of us.  We probably won't do it every week, but the next time at least I won't feel panicked!