Thursday, August 25, 2011

Mommy Guilt

I always thought I would quit working when I had kids.  Sometimes this knowledge can make women feel unmotivated to have a thriving career early in life.  After all, what's the point when it's only temporary?  However, for me it was the opposite.  I wanted to be really successful when I quit working so that I could go out on top and feel like I accomplished something.  Because of this, I worked like a maniac to try to break into the field of medical sales because that was my goal in life. 

After 2 jobs that were good but not great, I finally broke into medical sales.  I was nervous to drive all over the Midwest alone, and nervous to lose my work friends, but it turned out that I LOVED it.  And I thrived and became the top sales rep.  SO, when I had Munchkin Girl and it was time to quit, I found that I didn't really want to.  Not only that, but it just so happened that my company reorganized and I suddenly only had one state instead of three states.  I thought, Why not give it a try?  If I hate being a working mom, I'll quit.

It's been three years since I made that decision and I would say I now have a love/hate relationship with being a working mom.  This is all coming up at an interesting time because there was a segment on the "Today Show" this morning about the guilt that working moms have to deal with every day.  I thought it was ironic timing because just this morning I was thinking how absurd it was that I had just dropped the kids off at my nanny's house.  That seems reasonable, so you might wonder why that is absurd?

Well, my nanny lives 20 minutes away and we pay her to come to the house to take care of the kids.  However, I've found that when I leave my own house, they cry and carry on and I feel guilty all day for leaving them.  They beg me not to leave.  As I pull out of the garage I can hear the nanny struggling to get them distracted with promises of going downstairs or outside to play.  Little Buddy, my youngest, has a hard time getting out of a funky mood.  This means that I worry all day that he's in a bad mood because I had to leave. 

Alas, the miracle of discovering that they LOVE going to the nanny's house!!  She has a huge dog that the kids love.  Plus my nanny has a younger brother and sister who often are home to play with the kids.  So, instead of leaving 2 crying kids, they both hop out of the car with a smile and scurry inside to play.  It makes me so happy.  Then I can go about my day without feeling guilty for being a working mom.  My kids are happy and so am I.  Is it worth the 40 minutes out of my day that I squander so that my kids are happy?  Absolutely!  Well, most days anyway.
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1 comment:

  1. Oh how I can relate.
    I'll actually be sharing a personal story on internet radio (Friday Sept 2 approx. 6:00 EST on about my own guilt. I'm glad you found a solution to your problem!!!

    Mommy guilt: working when we want to stay home, cutting out "extra-curriculars because of change in job status, relocating when the kids are in high school, losing our temper when we know better.... It's something we ALL understand!

    Looking forward to getting to know you better! (My DH is a physician, almost 20 years in practice now. Nice being on the other side :D)